SALUTATIONS: Hey yall! I hope yall had a wonderful week thus far. Have you ever had a conflict so difficult to move past that you just gave up on the individual or situation altogether? What about a dispute so intense that your connection with someone was ruined? More commonly, have you ever been at discord to the point of throwing bows, or stepping outside of your Christianity (however that may look to you)? I'm sure you resonated with at least one of those scenarios. For me, I've experienced them all to some degree. This week we're discovering that friction is inevitable; we'll explore ways to approach conflict by peaceful means. Let's get into it. As always, take time to review ALL of the Announcements, Healthy Living Tips, and other information detailed below, following the Reflections and Power in Prayer, whenever time permits. Your continued support is always appreciated. Keep spreading God's Gospel and feel free to share the Scripture of the Week with the hashtag SOW. Enjoy! **Disclaimer: Production and distribution days of the SOW are subject to change without warning*
PRAYER REQUESTS: If any of you joined me in fasting last week please share any revelations or blessings you've encountered. This week, I think it imperative that we pray for wisdom, clarity, and understanding. Let's continue to pray for one another and thank Yahweh for the victory while refraining from confessing the problem caused by the enemy; ALWAYS pray for the desired result, NOT the unfavorable outcome (refer to the book The Tongue – A Creative Force, by Charles Capps; you can download your FREE copy here https://rb.gy/niy4go). If you or someone you know needs prayer, let me know, and your request will be added to the following SOW. **NOTE: All prayer requests are shared with reference to your name and need unless anonymity is specified**
BE ENCOURAGED: NEVER lose sight of God amidst adversity… Ponder this: "Peace is not the absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means" (Ronald Reagan). I'm no theological scholar, and even if I were a pastor or an expert on God's word, I would still advise you NEVER to take someone else's word as solid truth; "Study to show thyself approved" (2 Timothy 2:15), and CHALLENGE EVERYTHING by comparing it to the Word of God. If what you see, hear, or read does NOT fall in line with the Word of God, then it is NOT true... The rest of this day isn't promised, let alone tomorrow, so why not strengthen your faith TODAY? Feed your body healthy nutrition, be cautious of what things you allow your eyes, ears, and spirit to be exposed to (e.g., media, books, TV, music, etc.) so that YOU can start anew and become a better you NOW, rather than later. If you need someone to help you get there, or you're looking for an accountability partner, you've come to the right place. Here I am.
FEATURED SONGS OF PRAISE: "I'll Fight For You" by Mali Music (you can listen to it here https://rb.gy/1k9hyb) and "Give Me Your Peace" by Gateway Worship (you can listen to it here https://rb.gy/mer2a5). I would also like to recommend Classical for Studying Radio on Pandora to better facilitate your meditation on the Word as you study, you can listen to that station here https://rb.gy/wtbmva.
OPENING PRAYER: Yahweh, please let your presence set the tone for how this lesson will flow and how we will grow from it. Clear our mind and open our eyes, ears, and heart so that we may be decreased in self and increased in you. Fill us with your presence through the Holy Spirit to see as we look, to listen as we hear, to come into alignment with your word and your will, to receive, believe, and apply your truth, that we may be transformed by your intended message from this fellowship and become better as a result of it. In the name of Yeshua, Amen!
KEY PASSAGE(S) – MATTHEW 18:15: "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother."
REFLECTIONS: Oftentimes we get so bent out of shape in our quarrels that we immediately go over a person's head before addressing the issue with them directly. STOP thinking people can read your mind. What's common, normal, or acceptable to one person may not be the case for another. For instance, a coworker does something that you feel he/she should not be doing. Instead of going to that person directly to find out why they did or didn't do something, you notify your supervisor, creating unnecessary tension between the two of you because the issue could've been resolved one-on-one had you approached the coworker before the supervisor. Or, maybe your significant other didn't respond to a subtle cue that you deemed obvious. In turn, you give him/her the silent treatment for a day or so, or perhaps you just give them a stank attitude without ever explaining your disappointment in their actions or lack thereof. Only one thing comes from this approach to conflict, it festers and eventually blows up at the most inopportune time. Therefore, a KEY factor in conflict resolution is communication - EFFECTIVE communication at that.
The Greek word for "brother" in our key passage is adelphos, which refers to a fellow believer whether male or female. If you read a few verses further, you'll see that in context we're being advised to take our concerns up the chain of command; "16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, 'you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.'" (Matthew 18:16-17, NIV & MSG). Part of healthy conflict resolution is forgiveness. I think a common misperception with the saying "forgive and forget" is the interpretation that one must physically forget the wrong the other individual did to them. Conversely, the act of forgiving and forgetting is letting go of that thing you were sore about and moving forward from it. Meaning, when you and that individual bump heads later down the line, the old issue doesn't rear its ugly face into a new one. If love is the theme of the Bible, and the supreme commandment, then when we're walking with the Lord in love, we are slow to anger, kind, gentle, caring, and merciful. If you find your character the opposite of those adjectives, then perhaps the conflict is with self as opposed to the individual you're projecting your anger toward.
As I stated before the BEST way to tackle conflict by peaceful means is through effective communication. Let's explore what that looks like:
- The first step is to keep it 100 - acknowledge that a conflict exists.
- Next, instead of allowing pride, fear, or stubbornness to serve as a barrier to conflict resolution, determine the root of your anger: are you hurt, frustrated, or afraid of something?
- After you've determined the root of your anger, establish what result you are hoping to reach from your resolution?
- Then, take your concern directly to the person involved. “Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional” (Max Lucado); if you're looking for a resolution, then AVOID gossiping about the issue you're having, AVOID involving 3rd parties, mediators, and friends. Talk to that person in private, listen actively and without interruption (remove emotion from the equation to understand their state of mind), and be sensitive to their point of view. Basically, approach them the way you would want to be approached.
- AVOID venting, it only fuels your anger, and contrary to popular belief, it doesn't serve you or anyone else involved. It's ok to EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE your anger, but venting is NOT that. Rather, venting merely allows you to let out pent-up emotions without an aim for resolution. Thus, the negativity is spewed out without tact or consideration of others, nor with a purpose of resolve. Instead, clearly state your observation (e.g., "You ignored me when you saw that I was upset," or "You did/didn't do this when..."). Then, explain how it hurt you (e.g., "When you did/didn't do that, it made me feel... resentful, angry, sad, or combative").
- Now that you've established the what and how, discuss the change you're wanting to see. Sometimes an apology is all that's expected. However, when it's a working relationship or an intimate relationship, the apology is almost always expected to elicit a change, to correct the issue, and/or prevent further instances.
- When your aim is reconciliation, the goal is to restore the relationship. Therefore, AVOID trying to prove who was right, AVOID tit for tat (revenge), and get to the root of the issue to determine the most effective way to repair and mend your conflict by peaceful means.
#SOW
POWER IN PRAYER: POWER IN PRAYER: Lord we thank you for life, health, strength, and sound mind. We are grateful for your mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love. Show us your ways and stir up in us your character so that we are the salt and light in this world - the living examples of your Word. We ask for wisdom, clarity, and understanding, Father so that we will know your direction and abide by it. Establish in us an intentional God-centered life committed to maintaining a close relationship with you. Reveal the secrets of your Truth, the environments and company that are for us, the path we ought to be on, with whom we should be walking, and how to traverse. Bring us into alignment with you so that we are discerning in our thoughts, words, and actions. Give us the strength to let go of the things and people that no longer serve us so that we will choose to serve you more efficiently. May your Spirit permeate in us so that we are effectively communicating and seeking healthy ways to tackle conflict by peaceful means. May our trust in you be secure enough to believe that you have already worked things out. As your angels and Holy Spirit do your bidding on Earth and in Heaven, protect us and them with your recourse as you bind, loose, and cast out the demonic spirits of distraction, destruction, retaliation, revenge, and backlash. All these things we ask in the matchless name of Yeshua, Amen!
HEALTHY LIVING TIPS: Change begins within... So look, if you already read the Reflections, then you can just skate past today's tips and maybe check out the Announcements because they're pretty much the same. But if you're here for the tips, we're discussing 8 steps to resolving conflict peacefully.
- Acknowledge that a conflict exists.
- Determine the root of your anger: are you hurt, frustrated, or afraid of something?
- Establish what result you are hoping to reach from your resolution.
- Address your concern directly to the person involved. “Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional” (Max Lucado); if you're looking for a resolution, then AVOID gossiping about the issue you're having, AVOID involving 3rd parties, mediators, and friends. Talk to that person in private, listen actively and without interruption (remove emotion from the equation to understand their state of mind), and be sensitive to their point of view. Basically, approach them the way you would want to be approached.
- AVOID venting, it only fuels your anger, and contrary to popular belief, it doesn't serve you or anyone else involved. It's ok to EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATE your anger, but venting is NOT that. Rather, venting merely allows you to let out pent-up emotions without an aim for resolution. Thus, the negativity is spewed out without tact or consideration of others, nor with a purpose of resolve.
- Clearly state your observation (e.g., "You ignored me when you saw that I was upset," or "You did/didn't do this when..."). Then, explain how it hurt you (e.g., "When you did/didn't do that, it made me feel... resentful, angry, sad, or combative").
- Discuss the change you want to see. Sometimes an apology is all that's expected. However, when it's a working relationship or an intimate relationship, the apology is almost always expected to elicit a change, to correct the issue, and/or prevent further instances.
- Restore the relationship. If reconciliation is your aim, AVOID trying to prove who was right, AVOID tit for tat (revenge), and get to the root of the issue to determine the most effective way to repair and mend your conflict by peaceful means.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
- If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse, or in need of general support, I invite you to join my virtual support group via Zoom; we meet every 3rd Sunday at 2:30 pm PST. Just text "heal" to (323) 800-8616 to be added to our text notifications/reminders. This week we'll be discussing how to cope with traumatic memories. #thecurseisbroken
- Please take a moment to register your Ralph's, Food 4 Less, and/or Kroger Rewards cards to enroll your member number/phone number for the Ralph's/Food 4 Less Community Contribution Program to help Fostering Mind, Body, and Soul Incorporated (aka FMBS Inc., serving communities throughout Southern Cali since 2012) raise funds to give back to the community; for every purchase you make, a small % is given as a donation to our non-profit organization - your rewards points are NOT affected by this enrollment. To enroll, you must go to their website here http://www.friendsindeedpas.org/get-involved/ralphs-community-contribution-program/ and link your rewards cards and/or telephone numbers (Alt ID) to our organization each year, and we will earn money for every purchase made under your rewards cards. Your continued support is always appreciated.
- Update on my 1st children's book, Color Isn't Who I AM © 2019: it's one step closer to being on a bookshelf near you.
- Fostering Mind, Body, and Soul Incorporated (FMBS Inc.) helps to facilitate making an impact in surrounding at-risk and underprivileged communities throughout Southern California. Part of our mission is to help supply the homeless as well as needy families with food and hygiene bags throughout the year and especially during the holidays and to serve as mentors and/or advocates for at-risk youth and victims of abuse. But we've been on hiatus due to a lack of support from volunteers and board members. Help me get FMBS Inc. back active in the community yall! I have tons of ideas, yet, little know-how. However, I'm willing to learn; if you have any helpful information or affordable training opportunities please share, and reach out to me regarding your interest in service and/or to arrange another form of contribution; contact me via email at fmbsinc_2012@outlook.com, or leave a voicemail and/or text at (951) 790-2127.
For more information about our organization contact fmbsinc_2012@outlook.com.
Respectfully,
| Tylesha "Tye" Allen Behavioral Interventionist | Mobile Notary | CEO/Founder of FMBS Inc. · Mobile: (951) 790-2127 · Address: Los Angeles, CA · Website: http://www.ready411.weebly.com | http://sodbytye.blogspot.com · Email: professional1_99@hotmail.com · Change begins within; work on becoming a better You · "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." (Psalm 118:8) |
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